My husband Andrew and I have been together for 7 years, and a few weeks ago we celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. I truly believe I have the best husband in the world. One who champions me well, works hard. One who communicates the hard stuff, no matter the cost. One who sacrifices for our family, who takes his job seriously, who encourages me to loosen up and have fun. One who makes me laugh, but one who I can also cry and grow with.
When we were first married, we were a very lukewarm couple. We knew the Lord was our creator, but we didn't really KNOW who He was. We have a lifetime of discovery ahead of us, but the last two years have transformed us like we couldn't have ever imagined.
I went through the first year of ministry school, graduated and then entered into the second year. Much happened in that first year, lots of changes in me, and in turn a lot of changes for my husband as well. I am so thankful for a husband who let me grow, and chose to grow with me, rather than away from me. In this time relationships were mended, and my eyes were opened to so much that I was doing that wasn't the Lords will. Towards the end of the first year into the second, I soon came to a realization through a conversation with the Lord that I was robbing my husband. I was stealing his role, and I wasn't good at it. I felt awful, yet I wasn't sure how to move forward, so I did all I knew how to do, I waited for the right timing, and communicated with Andrew.
After a heartfelt, transparent conversation with my husband, I repented for taking on his role, and not letting him lead. It took us both being on the same page, and a commitment to one another to move forward with this change. It was imperative that he continued to choose to step up as the head of our house, and it was imperative for me to let him.
The commitment to the choice in each moment was the hardest part for me. Choosing NOT to do what I had been doing, not only in our marriage, but in most of my relationships - which was taking control, and not trusting anyone else but myself. This transition forced me to instead, trust the Lord in Andrew to fulfill his role as the head of our household and honoring him even when I didn't agree with how he went about doing it. Letting him make mistakes, and championing him through it, rather than tearing him apart when he did something I saw as wrong. By doing this as a wife, we show confidence in our husbands, trust is deepened, and it communicates by action. NOT complaining, nagging, or manipulating through sideways comments with impure motives can be a challenging habit to break, but it is never the less important to STOP doing, and it starts with realization, followed by action.
We as woman need to take on the duty, and important role as wives seriously, especially in this time. There are so many feminist-centered, anti-man movements happening, and its attacking our husbands, our leaders, children and attempting to steal the identity of a man and deplete it all together. Our world needs men and what only they can offer, and it is a lie that we can fufill the role of men. It is a lie that we don't need men. There are so many small ways we can stop this vicious take over, but the most simplified statement I can make is that we need to step OUT of their role, and focus on ours. WE CANNOT keep stealing from our husbands, and expect prosperity. Not only do we rob them of fulfilling something they were created for, but we rob them again, when we aren't being the wife they need. To add another layer, if we are also mothers, we steal from our children too -- its a ripple effect.
By no means am I perfect, but one thing I found that helped me through this transition, is beginning to ask the Lord in the moments of doubt, how He saw my husband, His precious son. That alone was jaw dropping, and I continue to learn more about Andrew in this way, each time I ask. But in these moments I was able to practice what Hezekiah demonstrates so well in Isaiah 37:14 - the importance in taking troubles to the Lord FIRST.
HEZEKIAH RECEIVED THE LETTER FROM THE MESSENGERS AND READ IT. THEN HE WENT UP TO THE TEMPLE OF THE LORD AND SPREAD IT OUT BEFORE THE LORD.
When we do this, we invite the perfect perspective to ground us, and clear things up, rather than taking it to man for opinion and often times a skewed perspective. In turn, humbling myself before the Lord in these moments, honoring my husband and seeing him through our creators lens. If you haven't done this in your marriage, I encourage you to do so. In the moments where I wanted to take charge I made it a non-negotiable to stop, ask the Lord to put a guard over my mouth, and choose to let him lead. Just like love is a choice, so is much in your marriage. As I continually chose to do this, I saw transforming power come fourth and manifest itself in our home. I saw Andrew blossoming, taking risks, and really discovering what he was created to do as a husband. By no means is this his ONLY purpose, but you've gotta start somewhere.
In this time, not only did I have to learn to not do what I had done for so long, but to discover what my true role as a wife was. As I previously mentioned neither one of us are fault-less, but one thing we have decided and have in common is that staying together is the only option, and divorce is out of the question. We have many differences, and I am thankful that he challenges me, and even more thankful that this solid stone in our marriage is one we agree upon - marriage is forever.
One of the biggest things I have learned in the rippling of transforming experiences is that when you let the Lord do what He wants to do, no matter of the impossibility your mind may present you, He WILL move mountains.
Obedience in choosing, and agreeing with what He has to say no matter what He may be asking you to do was and is such a key element of this transformation process. If you continue to death grip control, distrust, anxiety, bitterness, unwholesome talk that tears down, the Lord will let you choose that, and in turn, you cause your own destruction.
I pray that you would choose His way rather than your way. I pray that you would decide moment to moment to take it to the Lord first, and then act based upon His perspective and not your own. I pray that the taste of transformation my husband and I have experienced will come to you 10 fold, for His glory. I pray that this post would encourage you to keep going, or even ignite getting down to the root of whatever you are standing face to face with. I pray that the Lords Wisdom would fall upon you and that you too, would be transformed through His power, and that He would receive all the glory!